So I’ve been experiencing a bit of writers block. Actually, no; I’ll be honest. The topics I would like to explore may become too vulnerable for me to handle ergo, writers block. I was staring at my computer screen and noticed the empty Coffee Club cup that I’ve neglected to put into the rubbish. That cup made me think of a little coffee shop encounter that perfectly sums up how I’ve been feeling.
As I walked up to my favourite coffee shop counting the correct change in my hand (I can’t stand being the one to hold up the line because I’m rummaging through my purse), I was greeted with this smile saying “I’m so sorry but we’ve closed up already.” I bumbled for a second…”Oh.. yeah okay. That’s all good! I’ll see you tomorrow.” Then walked off completely embarrassed that I couldn’t form a sentence.
In those first moments all I could think about was “really? Is this how we are going to go about today?” while I waved my fist in the air; someone up there had to be listening. I checked my phone for my own sanity; maybe it was closing time and I didn’t notice. Well, it wasn’t closing time but that didn’t make me feel any less embarrassed or dare I say, upset.
But you see, this is the perfect metaphor for me at times! It technically wasn’t closing time but whoosh! I got blind sighted and caught off guard by a sweet smile masking what was really going on.. Life seems to deliver these types of blows in way of a smile, a hidden message, a conversation that ended up derailed from any initial intent.
I sat back in my car, anxiety kicking in thinking that people around me were judging because I returned so quickly. Who am I kidding – they wouldn’t have noticed! Nonetheless, I started the car back up with this harrowing thought that how I felt inside was radiating to everyone around me.
I got home and stared at the kettle. I had the exact same ingredients that I was about to spend $5 on but… it just wasn’t the same. It wasn’t what I wanted. I spent the rest of the day moping around; I felt completely thrown off! Unfortunately this feeling, I was no stranger to. Those days tend to pile up where you are walking full force in a direction and wham! A brick wall has come down quite funnily like a prop in a play. You end up spinning and don’t realise that if you don’t stop yourself, you’ll continue whizzing around.
I retracted myself from life for the rest of the day. Netflix and Stan were my friends and I knew that when I pressed play, it would. It was stability that I could depend on.
And to think, this is all because I couldn’t get a coffee when I had my heart on it!